Monday, February 22, 2010

Back to Work

Although I still have 6 weeks of maternity leave left I am seriously getting depressed about returning to work. I know, I know- six weeks is a long time, but once I go back nothing will be the same. Being a teacher is not a typical nine-to-five job. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting and the amount of work I have to bring home on a daily basis just to keep my head above water is insane. I don't know how I'm going to manage this workload and give Jackson the love and attention he deserves. I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom and get to actually raise my child instead of someone else doing it for me, but unfortunately that's not even an option. I have prayed for a solution to this problem for so long, but so far nothing has appeared on the horizon. So for now I try to shove my dread to the back of my mind and just enjoy the time I have left with Jackson, but it's hard. I'm going to miss him SO much when I'm at work. We've been together 24/7 since he was born and suddenly being separated from him is going to kill me. Luckily my mom is going to be watching him for us most days and I couldn't ask for anything better. I feel immensely blessed that he'll be with her, but I'll still have the guilt of NOT being there. I feel like I'm going to be miss out on so much while I'm at work, especially that bonding that is so important. By the time we get done with work I'll only have a few hours to spend with him before he goes to bed. It makes me so frustrated that I'm not going to be there for him and even more resentful of my job than I was before. Life is definitely going to be a challenge.


Katie said...

I am absolutely dreading the day I have to go back to work and I completely understand being more resentful of our work. I know I signed up to teach 30 other people's kiddos and all, but why do I have to spend my whole day with them when I all I want to do is be with my own kids? It's rough...

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