Saturday, August 21, 2010

Letting Go

My whole life I've wanted to be perfect. And I felt like if I wasn't then I wasn't worth it. I don't remember a time in life where I've felt like I measured up or was "good enough." I always had to be something more. Less sensitive. More patient. Smarter. Stronger. Tidier. Nicer. Prettier. It was never enough to just be myself. I've always looked at other girls in awe, wondering where they get their confidence. They never worry about who they are or how other people perceive them. They just are. I guess it started happening sometime around Jackson's birth, but I let go. I realized that to some people in my life I will never be the person who they want me to be. But I can be the person I want to be. And that if I'm not perfect I am still a lovable, worthwhile human being who can do good with her life. It makes me angry that some people choose only to look at the surface and label me with superficial terms. If they bothered to look deeper at what is truly driving me they would understand that I am not "all about money." I am not "super sensitive." And I am not dumb. I feel like I am finally coming into my own as both a mom and a woman and it's time to stand up for myself. So the next time you tell me that I care too much about money or that it's the only thing I care about, I'll tell you this- the only thing that matters in my life is spending as much time with my son as possible. I didn't want a new job so I could make more money. I wanted one where I could spend more time with my son. I didn't want a new car so I could impress other people. I wanted one that wasn't made of plastic and would protect my baby in an accident. I don't want a new house so I can entertain fancy friends. I want a neighborhood where Jackson can grow up surrounded by friends. Next time you point a finger at me notice that four are pointing back at yourself and your fancy iPhones, constant vacations, and designer clothes. I'm not perfect but neither are you.



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3 comments:

MonieHood said...

Christy, since I have known you (since we were what like 9) you have been an amazing girl and now woman. I admire you; and this post is amazing and honest. Who cares what other people think! I felt the same way for so long and now I only care about making the most amazing life for Liam and our family. That is really the only thing that matters. Your are a great mom and woman!

Rachel Dede said...

Christy, Who ever said these things to you and made you feel this way doesn't see who I see. I've known you for 5 years but really have gotten to know you this past year. I am so extrememly grateful for our relationship and know that I love who you are when you are yourself. I only know the "letting go" you...not the other one that others might see you as. Love ya sister!!!

The Adventures of a Blondie Mommie said...

Thanks for the sweet comments ladies! I appreciate you!

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