Monday, May 31, 2010

Balance

Summer break has made me realize just how out-of-whack the balance in my life has become. Part of it is due to sleep deprivation, but most of it is due to guilt. It is mighty hard to call yourself a mother when you're not actually doing any "mothering" to your child. I feel like I'm handing my child off to a babysitter to raise (although we are extremely blessed to have my mom and sister-in-law watching him). The most I see Jackson is two hours per day and by the time I get him home, bathed, and ready for bed he is exhausted and cranky. There is no balance between my work-life and home-life. As a teacher it is extremely difficult to find an end point to the day where you feel like to got your job done and you can go home for the night satisfied. Work follows you home and sometimes the stress threatens to swallow you whole. By the time I'm home with Jackson I'm tired and cranky too, with nothing left to give. There is such a difference in my attitude and perception of motherhood when I'm able to relax and just spend time with him. I feel so lucky to have this break to spend more time with Jackson, but worry about what next year will bring. The stress associated with my job just keeps getting tougher and I know that being separated from Jackson is just going to bring on more guilt. How do working moms do it? How do you call yourself a mother when you never see your child?

1 comments:

Eclipsed said...

Being a mother has many different meanings. Being a working mom you embody the modern meaning of motherhood. I'm a working mom too and it can be really difficult. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. You're doing what you need to do for your family. Hang in there.

Post a Comment