Exhaustion

What mommy desperate;y wants right now!

It'ss now been 20+ days since I got more than 1 hour of sleep in a row. And I am truly, absolutely exhausted. Ryan is still working (his leave starts February 22nd and I'm counting down the days!), so I am the one up all night for feedings and diaper changes. I am very lucky in that Jackson sleeps at night, but he insists that he sleep on me instead of his bassinet which makes me way to nervous to actually do any sleeping. His every little noise wakes me up to adjust his position or see if he's hungry. Nursing is definitely hard work too! He practically tries to rip them off of me when he eats. The little monster noises he makes are quite adorable as he shakes his head back and forth, but I definitely have battle wounds to show for it! Everyone says that it will eventually get easier but right now I'll believe it when I see it.

I have to admit that I've become pretty obsessed with finding other moms who are going through the same thing as me. One of the best blogs I've found is http://ashleighandshaun.blogspot.com/. She is so absolutely honest and it's a breath of fresh air to hear that having a baby isn't always happiness and light. She posted this poem which really resonated with me. I do feel like I'm almost wishing this newborn stage away. It's HARD. It sucks to be exhausted. And have sore boobs. And change 200 diapers a day. Oh and did I mention how much the crying fills me with fear? But it's shocking how much I love him already. And how much I'm going to miss this when it's gone.

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Don't blink, just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife.
Don't blink, you just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed. And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think. So don't blink

So true… a hundred years is coming like a freight train and I want to freeze this moment in time, soak it all in, milk it for all it’s worth.

First Bath

Jackson got his first bath on Sunday! It was a pretty nerve-wracking experience for two parents who have never bathed a newborn before! Jackson was very patient with us though and everything went great! He didn't cry up until the very end when I was dressing him (not one of his favorite things!). Hopefully we will improve with time!

Will I Ever Sleep Again?

Now I know newborns don't sleep very much at once. But Jackson sleeps like a champ. Only it must be in my arms! Poor little babe is having a hard time being out of the womb, but his mommy is a nervous-wreck co-sleeping with such a tiny little one. So Jackson sleeps and mommy closes one eye and pretends to sleep while checking on him constantly. Hopefully this is just a passing phase and he'll become more comfortable with his bassinet. I can't complain because he is the sweetest, most mellow baby who rarely fusses at all. But mommy's tank is running on empty and caffeine is losing its effectiveness. I can't wait until Ryan's paternity leave starts and he can help me out!!

Jackson's First Doctor's Appointment

Jackson with Dr. Mickey
Getting His Exam

Nurse Lonnie

Hanging With Grandma Suzy in the Waiting Room

Jackson sure loves his doctor (and so do I)! Dr. Stacy Mickey was my doctor throughout my entire pregnancy and took excellent care of me, so it only made sense for her to also be Jackson's doctor after he arrived. We went in for his one week check-up on January 19th and everything went great! He had already gained an ounce which usually doesn't happen until a baby is two weeks old. Everything else checked out normally and he didn't fuss at all during his exam. Yeah Jackson!

Life as a Mom

It's been almost 2 weeks since Jackson arrived and I can't imagine life without him. These past two weeks have just flown by. It's mazing how completely your life does a 180 when your child arrives. It hasn't been easy. But it's been mine. Jackson is an amazing baby and we have been getting to know each other quickly. I am never without him and it's been trial and error to see what this little human being likes and dislikes. Likes- his sling, sleeping on daddy's chest, cuddling with mommy after eating, eating a LOT, and walking around to look at his new world. Dislikes- sleeping alone, laying on his back, being hungry, and being separated from mommy and daddy. Being a mom is the most amazing gift I've ever been handed, but it's also one of the hardest. I can't believe how much worry there is. Has he peed and pooped enough today? Is he eating enough? Am I making enough milk? Why won't he nurse? Every little sound he makes while sleeping makes me jump up to lean over and check on him. Being totally responsible for this amazing little life has changed everything about me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jackson's Birth Story

Tuesday, January 12th was a nice relaxing day. I slept in until 9am and then went off to my 40 week doctor's appointment. We did a stress test because I was overdue and to my surprise I was having contractions after all! We scheduled an induction for Saturday and I went on my merry way, content in knowing my baby boy would soon arrive. That afternoon I started feeling a little "off" and tried laying down for a nap. As I was laying quietly I noticed that I was getting short on breath every 3-5 minutes. Contractions again! I called Ryan at school and he came rushing home. I swear he was more nervous than me! We took showers, packed up the car, and headed out to take the dogs to my mom's. I just couldn't believe the day had come! My mom followed us over to Mercy Gilbert and headed up to L&D while we checked in at Emergency. One we headed up to the floor the triage nurse checked me and monitored my contractions for about a 1/2 hour. After calling my doctor she sent us home because I wasn't making progress and told me to come back when they hurt so bad I couldn't talk. Ok, well I know that sometimes happens. So we went home to my mom's, ate dinner, and walked up and down the street. Since the contractions weren't getting stronger we drove the 1/2 hour back home and prepared to go to sleep for the night. Uh oh. My contractions suddenly went through the roof in intensity, taking my breath away and forcing me onto my hands and knees. Unfortunately I hadn't bothered to take a birthing class because I was getting an epidural. Big mistake. We raced back over to my mom's, dropped off the dogs, and headed back to the hospital. This time the triage nurse came to get me and made me WALK up to L&D (she obviously thought I was faking it). Again she decided that I wasn't making enough progress and sent me home with pain meds and an Ambien. Unfortunately I was not thrilled about this. After a minor freak out I asked her how I would know when to come back. She replied "You'll just know" (I could've slapped her) This time we just stayed at my mom's. And my contractions got worse. And worse. And worse. I couldn't breathe or talk. All I could do was rock back and forth on my hands and knees and cry (we later found I was having really bad back labor). This time I was taken from emergency up to triage ASAP and bypassed the stupid triage nurse. Right away they got my antibiotics hooked up (I was GBS positive) and rolled me into a delivery room. While they were doing my IV Jackson became distressed and released his meconium, which can be very dangerous if inhaled during delivery. I went from 4cm dilated to an 8 in about 30 seconds. Then when I FINALLY got my epidural he had a pretty good decel in his heart rate and I had to be on oxygen. But guess what? Once I got my epidural life suddenly became golden and perfect. My delivery went extremely quickly (15 minutes of on and off pushing) and the room was filled with people I love and lots of laughter. I couldn't have asked for a better doctor (Dr. Stacy Mickey), labor and delivery nurse (Debbie Lange), or newborn nurse (My mom!!). When Jackson arrived at 6:43am the room was suddenly flooded with family and joy. It was the most amazing experience of my life. When Jackson was placed in my arms for the first time (I didn't get to hold him right away because of the meconium clean-up) it completely changed my life. I feel like I finally knew what love truly was. And I became a mother.

Jackson Has Arrived!

Jackson Ryan Johnson arrived at 6:43am on Wednesday, January 13th. He weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and measured 20 1/2 inches long. We are so blessed to have a healthy, happy baby! I will be posting his birth story soon. :)

Maternity Pictures

On December 18th we spent ana amzing afternoon taking maternity/family pictures with with the Williams from Session Nine Photography. Today she posted some of the pictures and they turned out fantastic! You can check them out at http://www.sessionninephotography.com/the-johnsons-maternity-session/. I'll post more when we get them! Jessica will also be taking pictures At Jackson's delivery and doing his newborn photos a few days after, so we'll be putting up lots of great pics in the next few weeks!

Worries

Who knew that having a baby could fill you with so much worry? Worry about giving birth (will the baby come out ok? will I survive the pain? will my body ever look the same again?). Worry about being a mom (will I know what to do? what if I'm an awful mom? will I love him enough?). Worry about going back to work. Worry about having enough money to pay for all of the stuff that comes along with having a baby. Worry about still maintaining a good relationship with my husband. Worry about postpartum depression. Will my dogs get along with the baby? What if he cries 24/7? What if he gets sick? I think I'm going to go crazy with all of these worries and he hasn't even arrived yet!