Right now I'm overwhelmed with guilt. Consumed by it. Most of it has to do with having to work full-time to pay the bills and not being able to spend the time with Jackson that I would like. Some of it also has to do with my fears for the future when I have two babies to balance, while still working full-time. I cannot tell you how jealous I am of stay-at-moms. I would kill to be able to spend more time with Jackson and give him all of the experiences he needs and deserves. Unfortunately that's impossible and I feel like he's missing out on so much. So many of my friends get to stay home with their kids and they're always off to the zoo or museum or doing fun crafts together. Jackson doesn't get any of this because by the time I pick him up from the sitter I'm in zombie-land from work exhaustion and stress. He gets so little from me at the end of the day and I have no idea how I'm going to give even more (of what I don't have) when the new baby comes. Sometimes I think it was a mistake to have kids at all knowing I would still have to work full-time. He deserves so much more than what I can give him and I wish there was some way for me to give him everything he needs. I don't know how other working moms do it- I literally cry every day when I drop him off at the sitter. Are there any other working moms out there that have any tips?
2 comments:
Hey there. I don't work anymore, but I did work fulltime when my first princess was born. All I can tell you is, your baby doesn't know any different, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Mommy guilt can be an evil thing that seeps into our lives and whispers lies and eventually gets us to the point where we wonder why to even bother being a "good" mom since we suck so much. Obviously this couldn't be further than the truth. Think of the wonderful lessons you can teach your son about making sacrifices for your family, about being an independent woman, about doing what needs to be done. These are all very good things that he will learn by watching mama.
As a full time working mom I worry about the same things, but I also know that my daughter benefits from daycare as well. She gets to play with other kids, play with different toys, gets to interact with a dog, is working on her social skills, and has more people in her life that adore her. Maybe I say these things to myself so I can accept leaving her at daycare every week, but I'd like to believe that they are true. Plus I think I am a saner mommy. I'd love to spend more time with her, but I'm not sure how I would do if I had to spend every moment with her. I dream of one day being able to afford working part time, but in the meantime I make the best of this situation.
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