Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Right now I'm overwhelmed with guilt. Consumed by it. Most of it has to do with having to work full-time to pay the bills and not being able to spend the time with Jackson that I would like. Some of it also has to do with my fears for the future when I have two babies to balance, while still working full-time. I cannot tell you how jealous I am of stay-at-moms. I would kill to be able to spend more time with Jackson and give him all of the experiences he needs and deserves. Unfortunately that's impossible and I feel like he's missing out on so much. So many of my friends get to stay home with their kids and they're always off to the zoo or museum or doing fun crafts together. Jackson doesn't get any of this because by the time I pick him up from the sitter I'm in zombie-land from work exhaustion and stress. He gets so little from me at the end of the day and I have no idea how I'm going to give even more (of what I don't have) when the new baby comes. Sometimes I think it was a mistake to have kids at all knowing I would still have to work full-time. He deserves so much more than what I can give him and I wish there was some way for me to give him everything he needs. I don't know how other working moms do it- I literally cry every day when I drop him off at the sitter. Are there any other working moms out there that have any tips?